


Mind Game

by friendoftheearth



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-18 05:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11867403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendoftheearth/pseuds/friendoftheearth
Summary: Follow on from Pride & SpectreWritten in 2013AU





	1. Chapter 1

Mind Game

Part 1

Jackson was beginning to think he'd have been a lot quicker if he'd gone in to Hotton to do his bit of shopping. He'd told Aaron he would only be ten minutes, he certainly hadn't wanted to be any longer than that, he wasn't happy about leaving him as it was. But he'd already been gone a good half hour and he still wasn't any closer to going home.

Normally, he'd have walked to the village shop but he'd taken the van today, so as to be quick. He'd chatted to David as he'd pulled the items he wanted off the shelves, had quickly handed over the necessary cash and was just making his way back to the van when Betty Eggleton had appeared out of nowhere. He'd almost fallen over her in his haste to get back to Oak Cottage. She'd asked him about 'the patient', if he was better, and on hearing he was had started telling him about her 'little problem' about the puddle of water that was growing ever bigger under her kitchen sink. Betty had obviously seen his van and come in search of his expertise. It was hard to say no to Betty, nigh on impossible in fact, not that he'd ever been able to say no to a damsel in distress. So when she'd asked him if he would mind taking a look, he'd said 'no, not at all'. Well, how could he refuse or promise to call another day, not when she'd been good enough to send Aaron some chicken broth on hearing he was ill.

So he'd unexpectedly found himself replacing a leaking pipe, Alan Turner advising him on how best to do the job! He liked Alan, who didn't? But he didn't like being told how to do his job, not that he'd made it obvious, he'd done a good job of hiding his annoyance. Job done, he'd got to his feet, all set to leave, only to find a mug of tea being pressed into his hand. He'd been going to drink it standing up, hadn't wanted to sit down, to make himself comfortable, but Betty had told him to 'sit, you're making the place look untidy' and so he'd then found himself ensconced on her sofa, not only drinking tea but tucking into a slice of ginger cake. Like the broth, it was homemade and the best he'd ever tasted.

He would admit to being a little offended when she'd asked how much she owed him. He wasn't going to take money off her, off a neighbour, a friend, an elderly one to boot. She could be a right busybody at times, had a well-earned reputation as a nosey old bat, but Betty also had a heart of gold and had been really supportive of Aaron following Chris Davies' murder, had even sent a prying news reporter off with a flea in his ear. He wasn't about to forget that.

When he finally walked out through Betty's front door, he wasn't empty handed, he had his toolbox in his left hand and a tin of homemade goodies in his right. Aaron didn't have much of an appetite right now but Jackson was sure there was something in the tin to tempt him.

/

Aaron had never had flu before and he certainly didn't want it ever again, not if it meant feeling so bloody awful. He'd spent the best part of two days in bed, his temperature had climbed so high he'd been delirious or so he'd been told, he could remember nothing about that. Jackson said he'd been talking gibberish and seeing things that weren't there... yeah, it was a good thing he didn't remember any of that.

He was feeling better today, a lot better, so much so he was now downstairs, camped out on the sofa, watching DVD after DVD. He still had a hacking cough, was as weak as a kitten but at least he was feeling human again. He was hoping to be back at work on Monday, he'd been off most of last week. It couldn't have happened at a worse time, they were snowed under at the garage, had been working flat out but then he'd been hit for six by this virus and no way could he go in the way he was. Cain was having to cope on his own, was working extra long days; Aaron would make it up to him somehow.

Jackson hadn't been to work either, he'd insisted on staying home to look after him, and it seemed he had needed looking after. He hated being fussed over normally but not these past few days; he'd accepted all the TLC without any complaint. He was ready to reclaim his independence now though; convincing Jackson of that was proving difficult. With some reluctance, Jackson had just left to get some milk and a few other essentials, and had told him to stay put, to not move from the sofa. After yesterday, he could understand his concern, he'd got out of bed and passed clean out. Him fainting like that was embarrassing, and it had scared Jackson, he'd wanted to call the doctor out to him again but he'd been adamant that he didn't need to see her. Jackson had called Paddy for a second opinion on the matter. What was he, a sick puppy? Thankfully, Paddy had been wearing his sensible hat and had been able to reassure him it was nothing to worry about… even if he had turned up twenty minutes later to check on him. He shook his head at the memory; they were a right pair of fusspots!

He'd had every intention of staying where he was, snuggled up under the duvet, a box of tissues, a glass of juice and the TV remote all within easy reach. Jackson had catered for all his needs… except for one. His boyfriend had been religiously following doctors orders and plying him with fluids all morning, and he was now desperate for the loo. He knew he could be there and back before Jackson returned; he would be none the wiser and what he didn't know he wouldn't worry about. Getting to his feet, he felt himself sway a little, he closed his eyes before the room began to spin around him. After taking a few deep breaths, the dizziness passed, and on wobbly legs he slowly made his way upstairs to the bathroom.

He was about to make his way back downstairs when the house phone had started to ring; the extension in the bedroom being the nearest, he made his way in there to answer it. To his annoyance, it had been a cold caller, someone trying to sell him home insurance. He'd resisted the urge to tell him what he could do with his no-obligation quote and simply hung up.

Jackson had earlier opened the bedroom window to air the 'sickroom' and deciding it had aired enough, that it was now icy cold in there, Aaron padded over to shut it. That done, he stared out at what was an autumn day. It wasn't at all bad for October, the sun although weak was peeping out from behind a cloud, it was windy though, quite blustery, and it was that making it so cold.

His gaze moved to the road that skirted the property, a car was parked opposite their gate… a car he immediately recognized, the mere sight of it sending a chill running up and down his spine.

/

Jackson had been gone almost an hour and he was feeling really bad about leaving Aaron so long. Parking the van in the drive just behind their car, he snatched up his bag of shopping and hurried inside, alerting his boyfriend to his presence the moment he stepped through the front door.

"Aaron, I'm back, sorry I took so long, Betty needed a favour… you ok?" After depositing his load on a kitchen worktop, he made his way into the living room.

Aaron was sitting upright on the sofa and Jackson was shocked to see how pale he now was, "Aaron?" Hurrying to Aaron's side, he said, "I knew I shouldn't have left you, have you fainted again?"

"No." He very nearly had but he wasn't going to tell Jackson that.

"You look awful, come on let's get you back to bed." Jackson wrapped his arm around the younger man's waist, ready to help him upstairs, prepared to carry him there if need be."

"No, no I don't want to go back to bed. Jackson, I… "He wanted to tell Jackson what he'd just seen, who he'd just seen, but knew how ridiculous he was going to sound.

"What? What is it, what's wrong." He knew something was, Aaron was shaking and it wasn't down to a fever like it had been the other night, he was cool to the touch.

"He was out there… in his car."

"Who was?"

"Chris."

"Chris?" Jackson knew there was only one man who could have such an effect on Aaron but he was dead, it had to be someone else, but who?

"Chris!" Aaron snapped, how could Jackson not know who he meant, "Chris Davies."

"Aaron, he's dead, it can't have been him." Jackson gently reasoned.

"I'm telling you it was! Jackson, I know what I saw… I saw Chris!"

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Mind Game

Part 2.

Jackson didn't know what to think, Aaron was adamant that he'd seen Chris Davies, but there was no way he could have done, the man was dead, dead and buried! He'd gently reminded Aaron of that fact several times but his words hadn't made any difference. Aaron just kept on insisting Chris had been outside in his car.

"You don't believe me." Aaron had suddenly realised the truth, Jackson didn't believe a word he'd said.

Jackson could hear the hurt in Aaron's voice and it tore at his heart, but he couldn't back down on this, "Aaron it can't have been Chris."

"It was him!" He'd seen him with his own eyes, he'd watched the boxster's window open and a face he knew only too well, one he couldn't fail to recognize, had then stared back at him. "I don't understand how but it was him, Jackson, I swear to you it was Chris."

"Maybe it was a trick of the eye or something," Jackson reasoned, "There's got to be an explanation..."

"Yeah, he's not dead!" Aaron knew how stupid that sounded but right now it was what he believed, it was the only way to explain seeing what he did and he had seen Chris, why wouldn't Jackson accept that?

"Aaron, the other night, you were seeing all sorts of..."

"I didn't see Chris..."

"Yes, you did," Jackson insisted softly."

"What?"

"You weren't making any sense, you were just rambling, calling out names, some I knew, some I didn't. I heard you say Chris a few times; you were seeing him, reliving some of the things you've been through with him."

"So, you're saying I'm delirious again, that it's all in my head..."

"No, but... well, you're so pale, and you're shaking..."

"So would you be if you'd just seen Chris alive and breathing! I'm not seeing things Jackson; I'm not hallucinating like I was the other night."

"But you might have fainted again." Aaron had been quite muddled on coming to yesterday, he hadn't known where he was or what had happened. Jackson didn't believe in ghosts, in dead men walking, so knew there had to be some logical explanation for what was distressing Aaron so much right now, he just wish he could figure it out.

"No! I'd know if I had." Aaron could remember every detail of what had happened and in the time since. "Jackson, don't you think I want to be able to explain away what I saw, don't you think I want to be able to say I imagined it? But I can't, what I saw was real and I'm not going to let you persuade me otherwise." Annoyed and disappointed by Jackson's reaction, he got to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Jackson asked following on behind Aaron as he stalked from the room.

"Away from you!"

"Aaron, don't be like this..."

"Like what?" Aaron demanded as he spun around to face the cause of his irritation.

"You're sulking..." Jackson regretted the words he'd used the second they'd left his lips, he knew Aaron wasn't throwing some childish tantrum, that he was just indignant at his response. But he was shaken by it all too, and he really didn't know how best to put Aaron's troubled mind at peace.

"You've just made me out to be lying!"

"No!" Jackson wasn't having that, he'd done no such thing. How on earth could Aaron have come to that conclusion?

"Yes!" Aaron flared, "I told you exactly what I saw and you won't have it, you don't believe me, you won't take me at my word..."

"But, I don't think you're lying. I… I just don't think you saw what who think you did..."

"I'm telling you I did. You weren't there... nowt new there though, not where Chris is concerned!"

Aaron's words were a stinging indictment, and caused a long held sense of guilt to resurface, leaving Jackson frozen in his tracks. No, he hadn't been there the night Chris had tried to rape Aaron, he wasn't there the time Chris had threatened him in the men's at Bar West, or when the two of them had argued over Joel at the club… and he wasn't there when Chris had beaten him unconscious, the night Joel had left him for dead. He hadn't known, even when he was just feet away, he'd been oblivious to what was going on. Now, somehow, Chris had impacted on Aaron's life again, and again he'd been missing from the scene. He could only stand there and watch Aaron make his way upstairs, aware that an invisible wall had suddenly gone up between them.

Jackson traipsed wearily into the kitchen, his heart heavy, his conscience weighing him down even more. After making himself a mug of tea, he slumped down into a chair, wondering what to do next. The problem… the issue… he wasn't even sure how to label it, it wasn't going to go away, it wasn't something they could simply shrug off and forget, they were going to have to talk about it again. He decided to give Aaron a little more time to calm down and then he'd go and try to reason with him some more. He didn't know what he was going to say, but there was no way he could give any credence to the idea Chris was alive, there was only one resurrection he was aware of.

/

Aaron had had to fight back tears as he'd made his way upstairs, his head, his emotions were all over the place, but the true cause of his tears was the fact he'd just hurt Jackson. He hadn't meant to, but then when he'd realised he had, he'd felt a pang of satisfaction, well, Jackson's reaction to what he'd told him had hurt him. The smugness had lasted barely a minute before it had been crushed and replaced with shame. It had been a low blow, a cruel and snide comeback, one made because he was scared and hurting and because for once Jackson hadn't said what he needed to hear. He'd needed Jackson to believe him but he hadn't, all he'd done was try to persuade him that he'd been seeing things that weren't there.

Ok, so he'd been ill, and his temperature had been so high the other night that he'd been off his head. Like Jackson, his mam and Paddy, had both made mention of it. He hadn't realised Chris had featured in his fever fuelled ramblings, but he could well believe it with their history. He was better today though, clear-headed, rational… and he'd seen a black boxster parked outside, he'd seen Chris.

Nothing could have shaken him any more than that had, his heart had thundered up into his throat and his breathing had… well, he hadn't been able to get his breath. His legs had threatened to give way beneath him but he'd managed to stumble over to the bed, and had sat there until the shock had worn off.

When he'd finally worked up the courage to look out of the window again, the car was gone, but it had definitely been there.

It had seemed like hours before Jackson had returned, he'd somehow resisted the urge to phone him, he was driving and he hadn't wanted him speeding back to him. When Jackson had finally walked in through the front door, he'd felt an immense sense of relief, he'd felt safe again.

He didn't now though… Chris was out there somewhere, and he knew that if Jackson didn't believe him, no one would!

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Mind Game

Part 3

Jackson was relieved to find Aaron asleep, he was certain it was just what he needed right now. Hopefully when he woke up, he would be more reasonable, more willing to explore some possible causes for what he was so certain he'd seen.

They had an easy chair set in the corner of their bedroom, it was rarely used, was more for aesthetic purposes than anything else, but it was the perfect vantage point for watching Aaron sleep. It was something he liked to do, something he'd done many times before, the first time the night Aaron had run from Chris. It was such a long time ago now, and so much had happened since, good and bad, but he would always remember that night, holding Aaron in his arms, and the silent promise he'd made to himself to keep him safe. He'd made that same promise countless times since but Davies had always managed to turn it into an empty one... even after his death!

He'd thought Joel's confession had been an end to the nightmare, that they really could get on with their lives, but now, just months later, Christopher Davies was in their home again, ok not physically but the memory of him was back... it just wouldn't stay dead. Were they never going to escape him? Was he always going to have some emotional hold over Aaron?

It was a good half hour before Aaron began to stir, the blue eyes flickering open, slowly focusing in on him. Jackson was just about to speak, to say something conciliatory but Aaron beat him to it.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did, I didn't mean it." He'd fallen asleep thinking about the hurtful things he'd said to Jackson and they were the first thoughts in his head on waking.

"I know you didn't." Jackson said as he got to his feet and moved to sit next to Aaron.

"You've always been there for me, always. I know if I'd have been more open, more honest, if I hadn't tried to deal with Chris myself, things would be different now..."

"Don't." Jackson didn't want Aaron to start blaming himself again for what had happened to Davies.

"I'm just saying that I've learnt my lesson, and that's why I told you about seeing Chris. I could have kept it to myself, but I knew I had to tell you. I know how hard it must be but... Jackson, please, I need you to believe me."

The plea was so damn hard to ignore, to dismiss, especially as it was exactly what he expected from Aaron, for him to share everything that scared or hurt him. Here he was doing just that and all he could do was tell him he was imagining things. That just wasn't good enough but he really didn't know what to say or how best to deal with it, after a few seconds of hesitation, he said, "I believe it was a real experience to you, but I just can't believe it was Chris in the flesh that you saw… and I can't let you believe that either."

Another wave of disappointment and helplessness hit Aaron as he realised he was never going to convince Jackson that what he had seen was real. He was fighting a losing battle and worse than that, it was coming between them or would if he let it, but he wasn't going to. Chris had caused them so much hurt, so much worry and upset, their relationship had been left battered and bruised so many times because of him. Well, not ever again, he knew when to give in, to back down. "You're right. It can't have been Chris, there's no way it could have been, like you said he's dead, and Joel's in prison because he killed him. Whatever I saw wasn't Chris, it was a trick of the eye or of the light or maybe just down to my addled head."

Relief flooded through Jackson, it seemed he'd finally gotten through to Aaron, but he knew he couldn't just dismiss it, that it wouldn't end there, that Aaron wouldn't just forget about it. "I know it's haunting you at the moment, that it's all you can think about, I can't get it out of my head either, but we're going to have to try to do just that. Ok, we haven't been able to explain it, I just wish I could... I'm sorry, Aaron, I wish I could put your mind at ease. I wish I could make it all go away, make it so you'd never met Chris, that he'd never hurt you, that he wasn't still hurting you now but, I can't, and I'm sorry I can't, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you..."

"I know," Aaron insisted, catching hold of Jackson's hand; he knew he was responsible for his boyfriend's emotional outburst. Because Jackson had refused to believe the ridiculous, he'd lashed out at him, and the repercussions would have just gone on and on if he hadn't put a stop to it when he did. He was suddenly determined to forget what he saw, however hard it proved to be, "Hold me." He needed to feel Jackson's arms around him, he needed the physical reassurance only he could give.

Jackson pulled Aaron into his arms, holding him tight, realising as he did so that this was what he should have done earlier, that Aaron had needed comforting before anything else. But at least they were back on track now, close, loving and of the same mind.

/

Tuesday, his second day back at work, it had been a busy day, and he was late finishing, he was still trying to catch up on the backlog caused by his sick leave, Jackson too for that matter. He'd probably be home before his boyfriend though, Jackson was working the other side of Hotton, in some remote cottage. When he did eventually get home, he'd be cold, hungry and ready to wind down. Aaron planned on seeing to all his needs, he'd make sure the cottage was warm, that their evening meal was ready and then he would drag him to bed early... they had a lot of catching up to do there too!

It had been a miserably wet day, and Jackson had insisted he drive to work, not walk like he usually did, reminding him that he had just got over flu, that he'd been knocked for six by a particularly nasty strain of the virus... like he'd needed reminding. He couldn't remember everything about those few days but there was one thing he was struggling to forget... seeing Chris.

He'd tried to, he really had, and every now and again he would actually doubt himself, start to think he really had imagined it. But even though the doubts were strong and maybe even gaining strength, he would, every now and again, picture the moment in his head, every detail clear and when that happened, he truly believed Chris was back from the dead... as insane as that sounded.

He'd thought about mentioning it to Paddy… but soon thought better of it, he was even less likely to believe him than Jackson and it would only set him off worrying and, of course, he'd have ended up telling his mam and she in turn would have told her brother. They'd all think he'd lost his marbles even if it was just temporary… no, it was better he kept it quiet… and better still if he could just convince himself it hadn't been Chris he'd seen.

He'd been going to call in on Paddy on his way home, like he did most evenings after work, but seeing his car was missing from the drive, he'd driven on past The Smithy.

On turning the corner, the road had been clear, no traffic in either direction, but just seconds later, he spotted a car in his rear view mirror. It seemed to have come out of nowhere and by the looks of it, the vehicle was travelling at speed. That annoyed him, these roads were narrow and wound every which way, it wasn't the place to speed, even if you were familiar with their layout. There was no pavement either, but that didn't stop people walking along the road, and with nutters like the driver behind him they were risking their life just taking a stroll! Listen to him... that was something Paddy would say! He grinned to himself; he was getting way to sensible these days.

Aaron was certain the next time he looked in his mirror, the other car would be right on his tail... and it was! The car was so close it was hard to tell what make it was, he could see it was black, that the windscreen was tinted, and the driver's face was completely obscured by it. His gaze moved to his wing mirror but found it gave him even less of a view of the car behind him. He glanced over his shoulder to look through the back window. He could see a bit more detail... enough to know what sort of car it was... it was Boxster!

He immediately told himself to keep calm but despite that, his first instinct was to press down on the accelerator, to put as much distance as he could between him and… and whoever it was that was driving. It couldn't be Chris, no it had to be someone else… it had to be.

Another look in his rear mirror told him the car had fallen back a little but, as he stared hard at its reflection, he could see it was again gaining ground. What the hell were they playing at? On impulse, he slammed on the brakes, the car screeching to a halt. The momentum caused him to first rock forward and then slam back against his chair as his seatbelt did what it was designed to do, bruising and winding him in the process. He braced himself, certain there would follow an impact, metal on metal, but instead, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something black pass him by.

He stared after the car, his eyes focusing on the number plate… CD 1 … it was a private number plate, and one he recognized right off. He knew for a fact it had cost Chris a pretty penny to own it! That was just one of the many things Chris had told him about the car when he'd first let him drive it.

It was definitely Chris' car… he hadn't seen the driver but… well what was he supposed to think? And more importantly, what was he supposed to do now?

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Mind Game

Part 4

Aaron had been left badly shaken by the experience, and had sat staring at the road ahead long after the Boxster had disappeared around the bend in the road. He was half expecting it to come back, and when a car did come into view, it made him start, made his heart beat faster. On realising it was a different car, he was more than a little relieved, although a part of him wanted it to be the Boxster, he needed to see it again, he needed to be sure.

The other car looked familiar and he soon realised why: it was Paddy's, he was obviously on his way home. On seeing him parked at the side of the road, Paddy stopped, each of them opening his window so they could talk.

"What you doing there?"

He'd been about to say he'd stopped to answer his phone but then it suddenly occurred to him that Paddy would have seen the Boxster, that the two cars would have passed each other, "Did you see it? Did you see the Boxster?"

"What?"

"Paddy, did it pass you, a black car, tinted windows..."

"No..."

"You must have seen it…" Aaron insisted "… it was going your way..."

"I've only just turned onto this road, I've been up at Joe Pegg's place, he's got that small holding and..."

"So, nothing's passed you?"

"No. Aaron, what's happened?"

He hated lying to Paddy but he didn't think he should tell him the truth in this instance, "Some idiot was speeding, I had to pullover..."

"You alright?"

"My pride's a bit dented but other than that I'm fine. Listen, I'd better get home, I'll see you tomorrow, I'll call in after work."

"Yeah ok, see you then."

As Paddy drove away, Aaron pulled away too, cursing his luck. Why couldn't Paddy have seen it? Hopefully, he wouldn't now put two and two together, that he wouldn't connect what he'd just said to him to Chris. He didn't want Paddy asking questions, or mentioning it to Jackson for that matter.

As he rounded the corner, he could see the turning for Joe's place, where Paddy had said he'd turned onto the road. If he'd just been a little earlier, he would have seen the Boxster, it was a car you couldn't miss. At least then he could say to Jackson it was definitely Chris's car he'd seen the other day, that he hadn't imagined that at least.

He was nearly home, he could see Oak Cottage just up ahead, but as desperate as he now was to get there, he had the sudden, inexplicable urge to go to Robblesfield. He was going to have to turn the car around to do that though, so he pulled into their drive then reversed back onto the main road. He still wasn't sure why he was going, what good it would do, he just felt drawn to the place.

As he was driving, he constantly checked his mirrors, more than he would do normally, and every time he did, he expected to see the Boxster coming up behind him, he was so on edge.

He was soon in Robblesfield, he didn't know the place well but he did know where Chris lived... where Chris had lived. He would never forget that place for as long as he lived.

The house was in a quiet part of the village, there were other houses nearby but there was enough distance between them to afford it some privacy. Chris had liked that about the house, Aaron knew why now, no one could hear him rant or rage, or the sounds of violence.

The first thing he noticed on turning into the small estate was Chris's work van; it was parked outside his house. He wasn't sure if that meant anything or not, if it should still be there or not, and it served to unnerve him even more. Seeing Chris's name in such bold lettering had him remember how strong a personality Chris had, how sure he was of himself, how confident… how he'd actually liked that about him at first! How could he have been so stupid, so naïve… no, he wasn't going there, he'd asked those questions too many times as it was.

Wanting a good look at the place, he pulled the car up right behind the van, trying to quash all the bad memories it had suddenly evoked.

It looked more or less the same as he remembered, neat and in good order. The garage door was shut, Chris had always kept it locked whether the Boxster was in it or not, he'd kept all sorts in there, tools, machinery, he'd had a good nose round when he'd stayed here… why was he doing this? Why was he torturing himself with such memories? It was just making his insides churn even more.

It was going dark now, the light fading fast, he looked around him, all the other houses had lights on, but No 1 Hawthorn Drive didn't, it had to be empty. With that thought in his head, he got out of the car and made for the garage, for its one and only window. He peered inside, there was a lot of stuff in there still, what he recognized to be Chris's stuff but there was no Boxster. That was proof that it was out there, wasn't it? But then it could have been sold, someone else could own it now. But if that was the case why had it been parked outside theirs? Why had it appeared out of nowhere and got right on his tail today? It was too much of a coincidence as far as he was concerned, there couldn't be some innocent explanation for that. And as for the driver… if it wasn't Chris then he was the spit of him… a shiver ran up and down Aaron's spine at the memory. There was definitely something going on, he didn't know what, but something told him it wasn't over with yet.

/

It was just after eight and only now was Jackson getting home, he'd maybe have worked even later if it wasn't so damn cold. The journey home in his van had warmed him up but he couldn't wait to get inside, to feel another kind of warmth, the warmth he'd find in Aaron's arms.

It was a good feeling, slipping the key into the front door, stepping into the familiar, into his own domain. He heaved a sigh of relief on shutting the door, on leaving the stresses of the outside world well and truly behind him.

The smell of cooking greeted him or rather the smell of something burning did. He made his way to the kitchen, he could tell by the clattering and banging sounds emanating from that particular room that Aaron was in there… and not in the best of moods.

"Aaron?"

"You're late. Where've you been?" Aaron snapped on setting eyes on his boyfriend.

"I told you I would be." Aaron had been alright with that this morning, had he forgotten?"

"Not this late! It's not worth you coming home, you might as well have stayed there."

"The mood you're in I'm beginning to wish I had!" Jackson retaliated, he was tired, hungry, in desperate need of a shower but, more than anything, he was wanting Aaron, wanting just to see him, kiss him, catch up on his day. What he hadn't wanted or in any way expected was to walk into an argument and that looked to be where this was going, "What's got into you? You had a bad day at work or something?"

Aaron wished that was all it was, that he could put what he knew was unreasonable behaviour down to something daft like that, but he couldn't and he certainly couldn't tell Jackson the real reason for it. That the day's events had again spooked him and that his unease was now manifesting itself in other ways, like in a lack of concentration, that's how he'd burned their tea, and that disaster had resulted in this latest fit of bad temper. He knew he had to get his act together and fast, "Sorry, I'm just annoyed at myself..." He pointed over at the bin, at the charred remnants of what had started off as a fish pie.

Jackson's irritation instantly waned, and deciding some teasing wouldn't go amiss right now, he said, "It's alright. You haven't burnt anything in ages, you were due for a... " He paused on suddenly remembering the last time Aaron had overcooked something, it was when Chris Davies had reentered their lives, when Aaron had tried to keep his concerns to himself, when it had been playing on his mind... this wasn't about the other day, was it? Was he still dwelling on 'seeing' Davies? "Aaron, is that all it is?"

He should have known Jackson would get wind of there being something wrong, he didn't miss anything. He was just going to have to convince him otherwise, "All? A lot of effort, not to mention money, went into making that pie! And I can't be arsed making anything else now... we're gonna have to have something quick like beans on toast!" He'd tried to sound indignant and it seemed he'd pulled it off because Jackson was now grinning at him, reaching for him, pulling him into his arms.

"Oh, I think we can do better than beans on toast..." Jackson paused, claiming Aaron's lips, kissing him tenderly before going on to say, "I'll take a quick shower then we'll go to the Wooly, have something to eat there... maybe come back here for dessert..."

"Dessert?" Aaron knew for a fact all they had in that line was a tin of rice pudding and Jackson didn't like it.

"Yeah, I was thinking chocolate ... you know how much I like chocolate..."

"Yeah, I know how much you like chocolate!" Aaron grinned as he realised just what sort of chocolate Jackson had in mind.

Aaron watched Jackson walk from the room, his head full of lustful thoughts as he did so. It was a good few minutes before they began to fade, before they gave way to an unwanted memory.

His mind was again troubled, not just because of what he'd seen but because he'd not told Jackson about it. He was deceiving him again… but what choice did he have? Jackson hadn't believed him the other day so why would he believe him now? No, he'd have to have some sort of tangible proof before he did.

/

The pub was fairly quiet, and they sat in what had now become 'their' table. They'd both gone with Marlon's special, it had been good too, and while Jackson got what was going to be their last drink for the evening, he'd nipped to the loo.

He'd only been gone a couple of minutes, but in those few minutes, Paddy had turned up and as he stepped back into the heart of the pub, he could see he and Jackson were talking by the bar. He couldn't see Jackson's face but he could see Paddy's and he looked serious, concerned even… he knew then what the conversation was about. A second later, Paddy caught sight of him and the conversation came to an abrupt halt, Jackson turning his head to look in his direction, too.

Jackson looked… well he couldn't read Jackson's expression but when he suddenly stalked towards him, Aaron knew the shit was about to hit the fan.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Mind Game

Part 5

If it had been any other kind of car Jackson wouldn't have been overly concerned about Paddy's comment, but after recent events it had raised a red flag, he felt the need to tackle Aaron about it there and then. "Paddy said you had a run in with a Boxster!"

"Not here Jackson." Aaron made for the door, there was every chance they would end up arguing about this and he didn't want to do that in the middle of the pub.

"Well?" Jackson snapped impatiently as he followed his boyfriend out into the cold autumn night.

A perplexed Paddy had followed the two young men, he hadn't expected his earlier remark to stir up trouble, but the reaction it had got told him there was a lot more to this than met the eye, but what exactly?

Aaron took a steadying breath before quietly stating, "I saw that same Boxster on my way home from work. It was speeding up behind me, it was right on my tail. I didn't see the driver but I saw the number plate, it was Chris Davies' car."

Jackson wasn't going to dismiss Aaron's sighting so quickly this time, what concerned him more was Aaron's failure to tell him about it, "And you didn't think you could tell me?"

"I would have told you if Paddy had seen it too, but he didn't and I didn't want you thinking I was seeing things again."

"What's this about?" Paddy demanded, he was concerned now. His question was met by a stony silence, it seemed no one was in any hurry to fill him in on the details. His gaze moved between Aaron and Jackson, the pair were eyeing each other warily. Deciding he was more likely to get the issue out of Jackson he snapped out his name in an authoritative tone, "Jackson!"

"He thinks he saw Chris, that he was sat in that Boxster of his outside ours."

"Chris Davies?" Paddy snorted incredulously, he'd never heard anything so ridiculous.

"I did see him!" Aaron retorted, Paddy's reaction had infuriated him and he turned on his heels and started walking up the hill intent on going home, the older two men could go to hell for all he cared.

"Aaron?" Paddy made to go after his 'son' only for Jackson to catch hold of his arm.

"I think it would be better if we let him walk it off." Jackson thought that was the best course of action right now and while Aaron got a grip on his temper, he would tell Paddy what had happened the other day.

/

By the time Aaron had got home he'd realised Paddy hadn't been laughing at him, that he'd just been taken aback by Jackson's words, and he of course had then overreacted. He just couldn't win, if he kept something to himself he was doing wrong, if he opened his gob about it the shit still ended up hitting the fan. Just what was he supposed to do? Sitting himself down at the kitchen table he shook his head in exasperation. Jackson would walk through the door at any minute and he just didn't know what to say to him. Did he apologise? He wasn't sure if he owed Jackson an apology or not, as he sat worrying over the situation he heard the front door open, just seconds later Jackson and Paddy walked into the room. Aaron had hoped Paddy would go home and leave the two of them to it but no, the older man was now sitting opposite him eyeing him steadily.

"You can't have seen Davies!"

"Yeah so Jackson said!" Aaron spat back.

"I thought you'd accepted that." Jackson said quietly as he sat down beside his boyfriend.

"I tried to, for all of a minute I think I even convinced myself it was just my imagination but... " Aaron shrugged, he knew what he'd seen ..." and seeing the car again to day. It's out there Paddy, someone's driving it around..."

"Someone probably is by now. But whoever that someone is it's not Chris."

"Ok. End of!" Aaron retorted, what was the point of arguing, they were never going to believe him.

"The house, the Boxster, all Davies' belonging have probably all been sold by now..."

"His work van's still parked outside his house, his stuffs still in his garage..."

"How'd you know that? Jackson asked taken aback by Aaron's knowledge.

Aaron cringed inwardly on realising he'd given too much away again. "I went there..."

"Why?" Jackson couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"To see if the Boxster was there."

"And was it?"

"No."

"Well there you are then."Paddy said quickly adding, "Whoever is dealing with Davies' estate has probably sold it on, to someone local more than likely. That would explain you seeing it."

"Why would they stop out there?" Aaron gestured to where he'd seen the Boxster parked.

"Maybe because the previous owner was murdered here! Some people have a macabre interest in such things. You know... you seeing the car would have made you think of Chris, maybe when you saw the driver your mind saw Chris?"

Ignoring Paddy's reasoning Aaron said, "And what about today? He was right behind me, it was like he was trying to scare me."

"Maybe you were holding the driver back, stopping him from putting his foot down the way he wanted to. Aaron this can all be explained if you give it enough thought, I think you're a little too close to the matter to see it clearly, to rationalise it."

"Yeah." Aaron knew if he didn't agree this little chat would continue on and he wasn't in the mood for it.

"You don't sound convinced,"

"No because I'm not! But if you want me to say I imagined everything, if it makes you feel any better then Ok, I didn't see Chris and I didn't see his car. I just made it all up."

"No one's saying you made it up!" Paddy protested,

"Good because I know what I saw and nothing's going to convince me otherwise." Getting to his feet Aaron snapped out, "I'm going to bed."

"No Aaron wait... " Jackson didn't want things to end this way, not on such a sour note, not with Aaron at odds with both him and Paddy, and especially with him still thinking he'd seen Chris.

"It's late, I'm tired and Iv'e got an early start in the morning." With that Aaron stalked from the room.

Turning to Paddy, Jackson said "I honestly thought he'd accepted it wasn't Chris he saw, that it couldn't be him."

"It seems very real to him." It scared Paddy to see just how adamant Aaron was about seeing a dead man.

"It certainly was at the time, he was shaking... in shock."

Paddy sat back in his chair, he'd just remembered something, something he'd read, something that was giving him food for thought now.

"Paddy?" Jackson could see something was now deeply troubling the older man.

"Have you heard of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? PTSD?"

"Yeah, I don't know much about it though."

"I don't either, just enough to know it develops after experiencing a terrifying ordeal, and that one of the ways it manifests itself is in flashbacks..."

"You think Aaron had a flashback to when he was with Chris?" It was a worrying thought but it would at least explain Aaron seeing Chris!

"It's possible. We know he suffered both physical and emotional trauma at Davies' hands, and he witnessed his murder! Maybe the hallucinations he experienced last week triggered something. Like I said it's a possibility and one I don't think we should ignore."

"So what do we do?" If Paddy was right about this and he could very well be, how did they go about helping Aaron.

"I don't know, speak to his GP? The thing is there's not much to make a diagnosis on is there? I think we're going to have to wait this out, see what happens. Hopefully I'm wrong, but if something else does happen then we're going to have to act on it, because if it is PTSD it's not just going to go away."

/

Aaron knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping, he wasn't part of the conversation any more but the fact the conversation was about him had held him spellbound. He'd been angry with both Paddy and Jackson before leaving the room, now he... well he wasn't sure how he felt. It was like they were prepared to believe anything other than his word on this. He'd heard of PTSD too, he knew next to nothing about though, but he did know what a flashback was and he was certain he hadn't experienced one of those.

He wasn't going to say another word about seeing Chris to either man, he would deal with this, with whatever was going on himself!

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Mind Game

6

Aaron had been asleep by the time Jackson had got in to bed beside him, either that or he was doing a good job of pretending to be. Jackson had wrapped his arm around him and snuggled up close, like always he wanted to protect him from hurt and upset, but right now he felt so powerless, so inadequate. He just didn't know how to handle the situation they found themselves in. The idea that Aaron could be suffering from PTSD scared him and he hoped against hope that it wasn't that, but then if it wasn't, what was causing him such turmoil now?

It had taken Jackson a while to fall asleep, his troubled mind just wouldn't switch off. When the bedside alarm woke him he realised his arms were empty, so to the space beside him. Once up and about he soon realised Aaron had already left the house. He was both annoyed and hurt by that, why had he sneaked off like that? They always kissed each other goodbye in the mornings, and they never started a new day with any ill feeling between them. They never went to bed with any either... but they had last night. Aaron was obviously still mad at him. Jackson wasn't going to let this go, he wasn't going to wait until this evening to ask him about it, no he'd go see him in the garage and ask him what he was playing at. Was he deliberately trying to cause a rift between them or what?

After taking a quick shower and hurriedly dressing, he snatched up his van keys and sprinted outside to his van.

Jackson had expected to find Aaron working on a car and was surprised to find the garage still locked up, where the hell was he? He was just about to phone him when he spotted Aaron's car coming down the hill, so where had he been?

/

On spotting Jackson's van Aaron had the sudden urge to turn his car around and go home. He was avoiding him and knew Jackson would be well aware of that by now. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk to Jackson, knew he'd only end up causing an argument and that was the last thing he wanted. What he wanted was for Jackson to put his arms around him and tell him not to worry, that everything would be ok. He was in desperate need of such reassurance right now, but he couldn't let on to Jackson, he couldn't tell him where he'd been or what he'd seen.

He had woken up early and found he was still hurt and annoyed by the previous evenings events, he's always been one to hold a grudge. He'd decided to go into work early, catch up on things. But as he'd approached the village his gaze had fallen on a road sign, the one that told you how far it was to Robblesfield. He passed that sign everyday and it never really registered but this morning it had, and he'd drove past his turning, heading back to Chris' house. He couldn't explain it he just felt drawn there.

Chris' house looked no different to what it had done the previous day, still he wasn't satisfied, what more he wanted he didn't know. Getting out of his car he walked over to the garage, to peer in through its window. He'd told himself that because the Boxster wasn't there yesterday, it wouldn't be there today... but it was!

Seeing the car had unnerved him yet if he was honest with himself he'd half expected it to be there, he supposed that was why he was so keen to come back. This meant Paddy's theory about the car having been sold was wrong, it can't have been, it wouldn't be parked up in Chris' garage if it had. Aaron's gaze moved to the house he'd suddenly had the feeling he was being watched, he was left wondering if the house was actually empty. Telling himself to get a grip he'd turned around and hurried back to his car.

/

Jackson told himself he needed to get off his high horse and wear his heart on his sleeve instead. So when Aaron got out of his car he smiled over at him and said "I missed you this morning."

"Yeah sorry..." He was regretting his actions now, "I woke up early, went for a drive to clear my head, I thought I'd be back before you left." Aaron told himself that a white lie was ok under the circumstances, better that than tell the truth and risk more upset and bad feeling.

"We're ok aren't we?" Jackson asked as pulled Aaron closer to him.

"Yeah of course we are."

"You're not still mad at me..."

"No. I know you're just worried about me, that I gave you cause to be but can we forget about it now?"

"But you haven't been able to..."

"Yeah well Ive spent the last few hours thinking about it, what Paddy said and... well can we just drop it, please."

"Ok." Jackson wasn't convinced by this sudden turn around by Aaron, it just didn't ring true, but he'd go with it for now. He didn't want to stir things up between them again, in fact they could do with some quality time together, "I'll be home early tonight. How about we go to Cineworld, see that film Adam was raving about, then eat out somewhere?"

"Yeah sounds good." Aaron was already looking forward to that, they hadn't had a proper night out together in ages, and he could really do with some diversional therapy at the moment. He flashed Jackson a smile before eagerly leaning in to kiss him, they had some making up to do.

/

Aaron watched Jackson drive away, only when the van disappeared from sight did he turn around and make his way towards the garage doors. He would open up, make himself a brew and then get on with his work. He was even more intent on getting ahead with his workload, that way he could finish early too.

As he sipped on his tea the phone started to ring, he was tempted to ignore it. It could be a call-out and with Cain not coming in until dinner time, it would delay things. Telling himself it could be something important he picked up the reciever, "Hello, Dingle Auto-motives!" Aaron waited for a reply, when none came he tried again, "Hello?" Giving up on the call Aaron's attention turned back to his mug of tea, he was just downing the last of its contents when Paddy walked in through the door, Clyde at his heels.

"Hey boy!" Aaron crouched down to make a fuss of his four legged friend, the dog's tail wagging in excitement. Clyde was getting old now, and could only manage a short walk these days. Paddy walked him every morning before his morning clinic, but he didn't usually come this way. Paddy had to be here to check on him.

"Aaron about last night..."

"What about it?" Aaron got to his feet to look Paddy directly in the eye.

"I just wanted to be sure you were ok."

"I'm fine, Paddy you've got to stop worrying about me."

"Well that's easier said than done! I'd have to stop caring about you to stop worrying about you."

"Yeah I know. Look, all this stuff about Chris, I'm sorry..."

"No, you've got nothing to be sorry about. But it has got me thinking, Davies is obviously playing on your mind right now..."

"Paddy!" Aaron really didn't want to go there now.

"No hear me out, please?"

"Ok." He'd listen just as long as he didn't hear something he didn't like.

"I thought maybe some counselling would help."

"No!"

"You were offered it when you were in hospital... " It had seemed like a good idea at the time, or had done to everyone except Aaron of course. "... they seemed to think there was a need."

"Well there wasn't, not then and not now!"

"At least give it some thought."

"Alright, I'll think about it." And that's all he would do, no way was he going to sit down with a complete stranger and tell them what had happened between him and Chris, no fuckin' way!

With Paddy now gone on his way, Aaron moved over to the car he was supposed to be working on, so much for getting ahead on things, he was behind already. Just as he was opening the bonnet the phone started to ring again, hopefully there would be a voice on the other end this time, "Hello?" there was a few seconds of silence before he heard a voice, one that made his blood run cold, one that chilled him to the bone. For a little while the world around him ceased to exist. All he was aware of was the voice... Chris Davies' voice!

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Mind Game

7

Aaron had slammed the phone down but he could still here the voice, the words, they kept repeating over and over in his head... 'Hi, Chris here'

He backed away from the phone from the source of his fear on now trembling legs. He was starting to feel ill, his head was spinning, his heart thundered painfully in his chest and he was struggling to breathe. Aaron felt sure he was going to pass out and stumbled towards the door, crashing into his uncle who was now making his way inside.

"He's not dead..."

"Aaron?" Cain was instantly concerned on setting eyes on his nephew, he was flushed, sweating profusely and more worryingly he seemed confused. Wrapping a steadying arm around him he steered Aaron over to the chair, "C'mon sit down."

"No. "Aaron struggled weakly against his uncle. " No! I've got to get away from him."

Cain took a quick look around the room, there was no one else there! "Aaron..."

"I need... I need to get out of here Cain... " Aaron gasped for air, "Please get me out of here."

Cain hauled Aaron outside, easing him down onto the ground, leaning him against the garage for support. Then catching sight of Paddy he shouted over at him for help.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Paddy was alarmed by Aaron's apparent collapse, he'd been fine ten minutes since, but in the time he'd walked Clyde to the corner and back this had happened.

"I can't... I can't breath"

After a quick assessment Paddy realised what was happening, "It's a panic attack. You had one before remember?" Aaron was just out of hospital following his suicide attempt, Paddy had left him talking to his mum and the next thing he knew Chas was shouting for him. It seemed to have had a worse effect on Aaron this time though, "Aaron listen to me, you're going to be fine you just need to concentrate on your breathing. You need to slow it down. Close your eyes and slowly breathe in through your nose and then breathe out through your mouth..."

It took a good few minutes before Paddy felt able to stop coaxing Aaron, before his breathing could be considered normal. The fact he was still shaking and seemed dazed worried Cain, eyeing Paddy he asked, "Does he need to see a doctor?"

"No. It'll pass." Paddy said confidently although he was sure Aaron would soon need to speak to someone in regards to what he was experiencing.

/

Jackson had decided to take the whole afternoon off, that was one good thing about being your own boss, you could skive off when ever you wanted. Although technically he wasn't skiving, his current job had just hit an unavoidable hold-up and until the electrician had done his work Jackson couldn't get on with his. So he'd packed up early and made his way back to Emmerdale, heading straight to the garage.

Aaron's car was missing from the forecourt but Jackson hadn't thought anything of it, certain he was on some errand. On seeing his van Cain had stepped over to speak to him.

"Alright?"

"Yeah..."

That was enough of the niceties, there was something Jackson needed to know,"Aaron's at Paddy's, he had a funny turn earlier, Paddy called it a panic attack..."

"Panic attack!" Jackson exclaimed, struggling to take in what he'd just been told.

"He's ok now, Paddy just phoned, he's having something to eat then he's coming back to work. Don't worry, I'll be keeping an eye on him."

"What happened?" Jackson needed to make some sense of Cain's news.

"I came in to get some paperwork and found him in a right state, he couldn't breathe, he could barely stand.

"I'd better go see him." He had to see for himself that Aaron was ok.

"Jackson wait a minute. Paddy told me about him seeing Davies, I think he 'saw' him again today."

"What makes you say that?" A wave of unease washed over Jackson, that was the last thing he wanted to hear.

"He was spooked, he said something about someone not being dead, and he was trying to get away from whoever that was."

Jackson nodded his understanding, "Paddy thinks he'd started having flashbacks to what happened with Davies."

"I think he could be right."

/

Paddy knew panic attacks had a lingering effect, that whoever experienced one could be left feeling out of sorts for hours even days after. That was why he'd insisted Aaron come back to the Smithy with him.

Aaron always left the keys to his car in the ignition so he'd steered Aaron into the passenger seat, bundled Clyde in the back and then driven up to his. He'd been met with no protest which was worrying in itself, Aaron normally hated a fuss being made of him.

Paddy had settled Aaron on the sofa, a glass of water and the TV remote close at hand, and he had popped in and out between clients to check on him. He seemed a little better each time until finally Paddy had found the sofa empty and Aaron in the kitchen sipping on a cup of tea.

"How you feeling?"

"Fine, I'm going to go back to work..."

"Not until you've had something to eat you're not. Now sit!" Getting some food into Aaron was an excuse what Paddy really wanted to do was get him talking.

As Aaron chewed on the last of his sandwich Paddy said "So what really happened at work..."

"I told you, I just felt faint, I hadn't eaten, it was hot in there and..."

"That shouldn't have brought on a panic attack." He was no expert on such things but he did know there was something else troubling Aaron at the moment and he was sure that was the real cause.

"It wasn't a panic attack!" Aaron was determined to play all of it down, they already thought he was losing his marbles he didn't want to give them any more reason to think so.

"Of course it was! Now you listen to me..." Paddy was all set to take the bull by the horns only for the front door to open and in walk a diversion, one Aaron was quick to use.

"I told you not to call Jackson!"

"I didn't" Paddy protested although he had planned on doing so the minute Aaron had left for work.

"I finished early, "Jackson explained as he cast a worried eye over his boyfriend, he looked ok, his usual self infact. "I stopped by the garage and Cain told ..."

"Before you ask I'm fine, I didn't have any breakfast and felt a bit faint that's all."

Before Jackson had chance to reply Aaron was on his feet and planting a kiss on his lips.

"I'll see you later, ok?" Aaron headed for the door, he'd be outnumbered if he stayed, and would be interrogated until he talked, at least that's how it would seem to him. The way he was feeling now he knew he'd end up losing his rag and saying something he would regret, he had to get out of there and fast.

"Yeah. " Jackson had to fight the urge to go after Aaron and demand he tell him the truth, he knew it wouldn't do any good.

"That's not what happened!" Paddy stated

"I know." Jackson said as he sat down beside Paddy, "Cain told me. Has he mentioned seeing Chris again to you?

"No, but from what Cain said I think he must have done, he just wont admit to it."

"That's because he thinks we won't take him seriously. He thinks he's got to deal with whatever's happening on his own, we have to put a stop to that Paddy!"

/

Aaron got in his car, started the engine but found that was as far as he could go with the process of driving to work, he needed a few minutes to get himself together, to get his troubled thoughts in order. All these hours after the phone call he was still struggling to get a grip on things.

Was he going mad? Not only had he seen Chris, he'd heard his voice too! And it was Chris' voice he'd heard, there was no mistaking it. Aaron had always thought Chris' voice had somehow mirrored his size, it was deep and it just oozed with confidence. It had definitely been Chris on the other end of the phone but how was that possible? Seeing him had been bad enough, he'd almost blacked out, but on hearing his voice he'd thought his heart was about to stop beating at any minute! It had scared the crap out of him. He'd wanted Jackson but at the same time he didn't want him to see him like that. Paddy had helped him through it, Cain too. Then when he'd started to feel better, when he began insisting he was alright, they'd started questioning him on what had happened. He'd lied to them, said the first thing that had come into his addled head. He had just told Jackson the exact same lie. As ridiculous an explanation as it was he was expecting him to believe it. He hoped that would be the end of it, that Jackson would let it drop. Aaron knew he couldn't keep fobbing him off, that he wouldn't be able to, that at some point he would crack and tell Jackson what he'd heard. He really would think he was insane then wouldn't he?

So what now? What should he do now? Aaron stared out through the car window his gaze settling on the cemetery gate, he could just about see it from where he was sitting. Suddenly he knew what he had to do.

/

Aaron knew where the cemetery was in Robblesfield, it was on the outskirts of town. He'd past it four times in the last two days. Not once had he thought about Chris being there. Maybe if he saw his grave, his headstone, maybe then all this would stop?

Aaron had no idea where Chris was buried, he just knew the most recent graves were nearest to the gate, He was going to have to walk around them until he found what he was looking for.

It wasn't long before his gaze fell on a familiar name...

Christopher John Davies

Aaron had forgotten that Chris had a middle name, but on seeing it there in bold lettering he remembered Chris saying that John had been his father's name.

Aaron read down the inscription...

Dearly loved Son, Brother and Uncle

That was something else he'd forgotten, that Chris had a brother, he'd said very little about him, he hadn't even mentioned his name, all Aaron knew was that he was younger than Chris and that he'd emigrated to Australia years ago. He'd got the feeling they weren't at all close, he supposed distance hadn't helped that, As for Chris being an uncle, Aaron didn't know anything about that.

Chris' date of birth and the date of his death came next and finally at the very bottom of the ornate black marble stone came the words ...

At Peace

Aaron stared hard at the sentiment, it seemed the perfect choice. Whoever had chosen those words had to have known the real Chris. Behind the charm and wit had been a violent control freak, he was quick to anger and his jealous rages had seen him physically hurt even hospitalise the people he supposedly cared about. Aaron had wondered how he lived with himself, how he could look anyone in the eye and lie so easily about what he'd done, Chris didn't seem to have had a conscience. But maybe his actions did haunt him, maybe in quiet times he regretted what he'd done? Maybe there was someone out there who knew that, and who now believed Chris was free of that burden.

Aaron shivered as a cold blast of wind wrapped itself around him, it stirred him from his thoughts, He shivered again, only this time it wasn't because he was cold, he'd suddenly had the feeling he was being watched, just like yesterday when he was at Chris' house. He looked around but all he could see were row upon row of stone memorials and trees. He suddenly felt he was intruding, that he had no right being there... and he didn't did he? He'd hated Chris, and he wasn't here to pay his respects, he'd come in the hopes of convincing himself that Chris really was dead. Telling himself he was wrong to come, that he needed to leave, he turned on his heels and headed in the direction of his car.

The parking area had been empty when he'd arrived but it wasn't now, he could see a car next to his, a black car... a Boxster! He froze on realizing what it was, the now familiar sense of fear wrapping itself around him just like the wind had done earlier. He stood looking at the car unable to move unable to think past what he was seeing, until the Boxster suddenly started to move, in the same instance his phone began to ring. It broke the spell and he reached into his pocket, with trembling fingers he set it to camera mode. He aimed the camera in the Boxster's direction but it was already slipping out through the gates, even as he pressed on the key Aaron knew he'd been too late, that the Boxster was hidden by trees.

"No!" Aaron's fear had instantly turned to frustration, he'd had proof within his grasp but he'd been too slow to react... and he was again. Breaking into a run he made for his car, he'd follow the Boxster...

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Mind Game

8

Aaron edged the car forward, desperate to be on his way, to catch up to the Boxster. The string of traffic seemed endless and the vehicles all travellng too fast and way too close for him to simply pull out and get in the middle of them. He'd already lost sight of Chris' car, it had rounded a distant bend, but he knew exactly where it was going, where he would find it. He just wanted to be there when the driver showed his face, he wanted to see who it was because it couldn't be Chris... could it? He didn't know what to think any more, seeing Chris' grave had made him doubt what he'd seen and heard but then seeing Chris' car parked right next to his well... it was like Chris was haunting him, like his ghost was stalking him. He didn't believe in ghosts, at least he hadn't done.

Finally there was some free road and Aaron accelerated out from the cemetary and onto the main road, just as he did do his phone started to ring again, he couldn't answer it now, whoever it was would have to wait. He guessed it was Jackson, he'd rang just minutes before but he'd had to end the call to take the picture. A waste of time that had been. It seemed everything was conspiring against him, just like now. The once speeding traffic was now moving at a snails pace, what the hell was the hold up? Some tractor or some old biddy off to get her hair done? Whatever it was they shouldn't be on the damn road! He was losing too much time, why couldn't things just go his way for once?

It seemed like forever before Aaron reached the turning he needed to take, but he couldn't put his foot down here, not with all the speed ramps in the area, but then if he couldn't neither could whoever was driving the Boxster. As he turned onto Hawthorn Drive his heart started to race, his courage was beginning to falter. There was no sign of the Boxster, and as he pulled up outside Chris' house he could see the garage doors were closed, but he didn't need to look inside to know the car was there. He'd got here too late. What now? Did he knock on Chris' door? Yeah, maybe that's exactly what he should do. As he worked up the nerve to do just that he spotted Jackson's van in his rear mirror. What the hell was he doing here? Aaron shook his head in despair, Jackson would be asking him the very same question wouldn't he?

/

Despite Jackson's concern on finding Aaron parked outside Davies' house he was also more than a little relieved, he wouldn't have known where else to look. When Aaron hadn't turned up for work Cain had phoned Paddy, and in turn Paddy had told him. He'd immediately set out to look for him, something told Jackson he would find Aaron here and he'd been right. He'd never been here before, he'd had to rely on the satnav to find the place, and now he was here, he wasn't sure what to do. It was all starting to scare him now, he was so worried about Aaron, about his state of mind. But sitting there wasn't going to help any, throwing open the van door he walked towards Aaron's car.

As Jackson slipped in beside Aaron he asked, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I suppose I had you all worried."

"After what happened earlier of course you did."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think. Jackson... I saw the Boxster again." So much for his resolve to keep it all to himself.

"In Emmerdale?" That would explain Aaron taking off like that.

"No." He was going to have to tell Jackson more of what had happened now, "I went to Chris' grave, I thought if I saw it, I could convince myself he was dead."

Jackson could understand that, "Did it help?"

"I turned around and the Boxster was parked right next to mine, I tried to get a picture but it took off, it was gone before I had chance."

"So you followed it here?"

"It got here way before me."

"You didn't see who was driving it then?"

"No."

"Wait here." Jackson said as he got out of Aaron's car,

"Where are you going?" Aaron already knew the answer to that. He watched Jackson walk up to Chris' front door and knock on it, after waiting a few minutes he walked to the back of the house disappearing from view for another couple of minutes. As he made his way back to the car Jackson stopped to look inside the garage.

Getting back in the car Jackson turned to Aaron and said, "There's no one in there and... Aaron there's no Boxster in the garage, its empty."

"It's got to be there!"

"It's not." Jackson insisted calmly.

If Jackson said it wasn't there then it wasn't but he'd been so convinced it would be. Just like he was convinced he'd seen Chris and heard his voice. Was he imagining it all? "Jackson, Chris rang me today, at least I think he did. That's what set off the panic attack." There, Jackson knew everything now.

Jackson was shocked by Aaron's latest disclosure, "It can't have been Chris."

"I know. It's all in my head isn't it?" Aaron was starting to think it was.

Jackson wasn't at all sure how to answer that, "I think it's all very real to you..."

"I'm scared." He was, he was scared of what he'd see or hear next, scared he was going mad, scared he'd lose Jackson because of it.

"I know, but you don't need to be, we'll get you the help you need and we'll get through this, I promise."

/

Aaron had taken the rest of the week off, he couldn't face work, he just wanted to slob around the house, and that was more or less what he was doing. He was spending some time in front of the telly, but he was mostly doing some work in and around the house. Things like touching up the paintwork, clearing the guttering, tidying the shed. He was looking for jobs to do, he wanted to keep himself busy and his mind occupied.

Jackson had wanted to stay at home with him but he'd insisted he go to work, that he would be fine on his own. He'd promised to phone him if he had any more 'visions' of Chris, and Jackson had reluctantly agreed to his wishes. Jackson was feeling a little happier about things now though, now that he'd been to see his GP. Dr Phipps hadn't been able to diagnose PTSD, a specialist was needed to do that and he had a written a referral letter there and then. The doctor had arranged some counselling in the meantime, he had his first session that very afternoon. He hated the idea but if it would help get Chris out of his head then he would go.

It wasn't far of midday now, and Aaron decided to make himself a sandwich, when he'd eaten that he'd feshen up and make his way into Hotton, he didn't want to be late for his appointment, he knew Dr Phipps had pulled a few strings to get him seen so quickly.

As he rummaged through the fridge for something tasty to snack on he heard a loud rap on the front door. He knew it wasn't a family member or a friend because they would just have walked on in. Jackson was expecting a delivery, some tool he'd ordered on-line, with that in mind Aaron walked into the hallway and over to the front door. He'd expected to see a delivery man but...

"Hello Aaron!"

The towering figure that stood before him was no ghost, no figment of his imagination, it was flesh and blood, horrifyingly real... "Chris!"

tbc


	9. Chapter 9

Mind Game

Chapter 9

Aaron had froze on seeing Chris, he could only look into the icy blue eyes staring back at him. He really was alive... and he looked just how he remembered him, tall, muscular, a power house of a man.

"You look a little pale Aaron, like you've seen a ghost!"

Chris was grinning at him, obviously amused at his reaction on seeing him. Aaron shook his head, he didn't want to believe his eyes. How was it possible? He stumbled backwards, his legs now trembling, his whole being shaking in horror.

"I .. I ..." Aaron tried to speak but his mouth was so dry the words were sticking in his throat. He could feel his heart racing, it was pounding in his chest like it was about to explode. Suddenly he was struggling to breathe, he couldn't take in any air and he was starting to feel dizzy. Terrified he would pass out and be at Chris' mercy he made for the kitchen. He wanted to get outside, into the open, where the air was cool. But he only made it as far as the table, there he had to stop and lean on it to steady himself, his legs were now threatening to give way beneath him. Remembering Paddy's instructions from the last time this had happened, he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on his breathing. He knew he had to get it under control, if he didn't he would pass out and Chris... Aaron's head snapped up and he looked into the hallway, to where Chris had been standing. He couldn't see him! Where the hell was he?

As Aaron stared anxiously at the doorway a man appeared, but it wasn't Chris. This man was short, grey haired... who was he?

"Hello!"

The voice had a friendly ring to it, and seeing the stranger was carrying a package Aaron realised it was the delivery man he'd been expecting. He was beyond relieved to see someone, to know he wasn't alone with Chris. As Aaron staggered towards the front door another thought hit him, he now had a witness, this man could back him up about Chris being alive.

"Hi... parcel for a Mr J Walsh. I need a signature..."

"Yeah..." Aaron's gaze swept around the hallway, there was no sign of Chris now, had he gone upstairs, was he in the living room? He could be hiding anywhere in the house. Or had he left? Aaron sidled past the delivery man, hoping against hope to see the Boxster parked outside... but it wasn't!

Aaron spun around, "There was a man here, tall, really tall, did you see him?"

"No mate, now if you could just sign..."

"Did you see a car parked out there, a Boxster, a black Boxster?"

"No..."

"You must have seen it, please you..."

"Has something happened?" Bill had been a delivery man for nigh on twenty years, he'd experienced all sorts of stuff in his time, and he'd always been happy to help anyone in need. The young man before him was now giving him cause to worry. He didn't think the lad had looked well earlier, talking to him he realised he seemed more than a little shaken, something was definitely wrong, "Have you been burgled or something? Do you want me to call the police?"

"No. Nothing like that." Aaron didn't want the police involved, they'd just laugh at him, probably charge him for wasting police time."It's ok." Aaron took the parcel and then quickly scribbled his signature uncomfortably aware that the stranger was still eyeing him with concern.

"Are you ok? Is there someone I can call?"

"I'm fine. Just... just getting over the flu. Thanks though." Aaron hurriedly shut the door then made for the kitchen, he slumped down onto a chair desperately trying to make sense of what had happened.

Chris must have left the second he'd turned his back on him. He'd seen the state he was in and happy with that... for now at least he'd left. He can't have been here in the kitchen for long though, mere minutes, but it was obviously long enough for Chris to leave unseen.

Why had he fallen apart like that? Why? Well he had just seen a dead man! Who wouldn't have been shocked? It had left him feeling so scared, so confused. He still felt that way. He was in need of a drink but there was nothing alcoholic in the house.

Needing something to help calm him Aaron made a mug of hot sweet tea, he then sat back down by the table. He was still shaking, still unnerved by it all, he thought about phoning Jackson but decided not to. Truth was he didn't know what to do.

As he sipped on his tea he heard the front door open, he dropped the mug in his haste to get to his feet, knowing he hadn't locked the door he was terrified Chris had returned and let himself in.

"Aaron!"

Paddy's voice boomed from the hallway. "I'm in here." He didn't want Paddy seeing him in such a state and set about clearing the spilt tea, he was determined to get a grip on things before Paddy got wind of something being wrong.

Paddy strode into the kitchen, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, knocked my tea over," Aaron busied himself mopping up the liquid mess, he could avoid meeting Paddy's gaze that way, for a little while anyway.

"I just... well, I don't think you are!" Paddy stepped in front of Aaron, snatching the cloth from his hand forcing him to look him in the eye.

"What?"

"I just had some stock delivered, the driver... nice man, well he asked me if I knew the lad who lived at Oak Cottage. He was worried about you..."

"Well I don't know why!" Aaron lied, how typical of his luck was this? The delivery man's next port of call had been the vets and he'd gone and opened his big fat gob to Paddy of all people!

"Does seeing a tall man and a Boxster ring any bells?" Paddy demanded, he was desperately worried about Aaron and knew he was trying to hide something from him now.

Unbelievable wasn't it? Chris continued to be the invisible man while everyone thought he was nuts. Well he now knew for certain that he wasn't imagining things, and he wasn't going to deny seeing Davies. "Chris was here, he knocked on that door. He's not dead Paddy, he's very much alive and..."

"No!" Paddy caught hold of Aaron's forearms determined Aaron would hear him out. "You had another flashback, I know how real it seems to you but it's all taking place in your mind. It's one of the ways PTSD manifests itself. You've got that appointment with the specialist later, I'll come with you..."

"No. I'm not going Paddy, I promise you I don't need to. What I do need is for you to believe me when I tell you Chris is alive." Aaron stared expectantly at Paddy, he'd never let him down before and he wouldn't now, not knowing how important this was to him.

"I'm sorry Aaron. I can't believe the impossible just because you want me to."

"Get out!" Aaron couldn't bare to look at Paddy a minute longer, how could he betray his trust in him?

"Aaron please..."

"I said out, now either you walk out yourself or I throw you out."

Paddy didn't doubt a now irate Aaron would indeed use physical force but he couldn't just walk away, he had to try and reason with him, "I'll phone Jackson, ask him to come home..."

"Yeah that would be right, you two siding against me! Well I don't give a flying fuck what you do, now piss off." Aaron shrugged off Paddy's hands and pushed him backwards, "I said out."

"Don't do this..."

"Get the fuck out!" Aaron raged, shoving Paddy even more violently.

"Ok." Paddy decided it was best he leave, "You know where I am though..."

" I said out!" Paddy had better get out of his face now or he really would lose it.

Paddy turned on his heels and made for the door, once outside he reached into his pocket for his phone to then speed dial Jackson. Aaron had caused him untold worry over the years but this... well he'd just taken things to another level.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Mind Game

10

Paddy had told him not to rush, to drive carefully. Easier said than done after hearing about Aaron's most recent flashback. Jackson had hurriedly thrown his tools into his van and headed for home at breakneck speed. Of course he'd hit every red traffic light there was so it had seemed to take forever to get back to Emmerdale.

As he finally pulled up at Paddy's the older man had hurried over and got into the passenger seat of the van. No one would over hear their discussion there.

"A complete stranger was concerned about him. What does that tell us?" Paddy exclaimed before adding sheepishly "I handled it badly."

"No. Nothing you said or did would have got through to him. Not at that moment." Jackson knew how real the flashbacks seemed to Aaron.

"I phoned his GP. Told him what had happened. He wouldn't discuss it as such, patient confidentiality and all that, but he did promise to phone the specialist and try and reschedule the appointment."

"And in the meantime?" Jackson asked wondering what their next step should be.

Paddy shook his head "I honestly don't know. We can only be there for him, enforce the belief it's PTSD.

"We should tell Chas, Cain too." Cain already knew something was wrong, but Chas was completely in the dark about her son's torment. "I don't think it should be common knowledge. though." Jackson added, for now it was on a 'need to know' only basis.

"I agree."

"I don't like this Paddy, discussing him behind his back."

"Neither do I but as things stand what else can we do."

"I should go home, see how he is but..." Jackson shook his head despondently.

"But what?"

"I don't know what to say to him, I don't know how to help him."

"He will have calmed down by now, and he's had time to think it over, just... well just play it by ear."

/

Aaron was on his fourth mug of tea, another extra sweet dose of the brew that supposedly cured all ills. If only it did. He was upstairs in his bedroom now, all he'd wanted to do earlier was sit down, he'd felt so drained. Now he found he couldn't sit still, he was so on edge, so damn restless. His head was all over the place still, he was annoyed at himself for losing it with Paddy, it was unforgivable but he knew Paddy wouldn't hold his actions against him. He was expecting Jackson home any minute and was worried they'd end up arguing about him seeing Chris. More than anything though Chris' visit was playing on his mind. He couldn't explain it but more importantly he knew he could never convince anyone that it had happened.

Spotting Jackson's van through the window Aaron made his way downstairs, he was dreading this moment.

Aaron sat himself on the sofa, hopefully this would be a sitting down calm conversation not a stand up shouting match.

Aaron's best intentions deserted him the moment he set eyes on Jackson, he looked drawn, his brown eyes lacking their usual sparkle. Well Jackson would have no reason to worry about him if he'd just believe him. "Paddy called you then!" Aaron spat scornfully as he got to his feet.

Jackson chose to ignore the comment and instead asked, "Are you ok?" He didn't wait for answer instead he pulled Aaron into a hug, holding him tight, making his love for him evident. He felt Aaron tense but just seconds later he was melting against him.

"No, no I'm not. I'm a mess." Aaron snuggled closer to Jackson, resting his face on his shoulder, he felt safe now. "I'm sorry, I know what this is doing to you and Paddy but it's out of my control."

"I know." Jackson said softly.

Lifting his head to look Jackson in the eye Aaron said, "I don't know what's going on but I'm going to get to the bottom of it."

"Aaron..."

Aaron silenced Jackson with a kiss, he didn't want to talk anymore, he didn't want to think anymore, he just wanted to lose himself in Jackson.

/

Jackson had woken to find Aaron asleep beside him, his gaze moved longingly over his naked form. Did he wake him so they could tire themselves out some more or did he go for a much needed shower... and then go back to bed? 'Shower' Jackson decided as he spotted his dust caked work clobber lying in a heap on the floor. Aaron had removed it in record time, it hadn't been the reception he'd been expecting, not that he was complaining.

Snatching up his phone Jackson made for the bathroom, he'd send Paddy a text, let him know things were ok, put his mind at rest for now at least.

/

Aaron could hear the shower running, he smiled to himself, Jackson would emerge damp and smelling of something guaranteed to turn him on, not that he needed any help in that department. He licked his lips in anticipation, he was more than ready for another marathon session between the sheets. Then again he could just go in there and offer to wash Jackson's back... or anywhere else in need of some attention! Aaron clambered off the bed, suddenly eager to get to the bathroom. As keen as he was his attention was drawn to the window, to the road skirting their house. He'd heard a car horn, it didn't surprise him to see a tractor and some impatient driver on it's tail. He was about to turn around when he saw another car, it was travelling in the opposite direction, it was black and ...

All else was forgotten now and he hurriedly pulled on his clothes, hurtled down the stairs, picking up his car keys from the hall table before sprinting outside to his car.

/

Jackson hadn't known what to think on finding Aaron not only missing from their bed but missing from the house too. He'd tried ringing him only to hear his ring tone sounding upstairs. Wherever he'd gone he'd not taken his phone with him. Maybe he'd nipped to the shop, maybe he'd gone to apologise to Paddy? Jackson phoned the older man, but Paddy was unable to reassure him, Aaron wasn't with him and his car wasn't parked anywhere in the village. Where the hell was he?

Was his disappearance to do with Chris? Jackson suspected it was but didn't know what to do about his gut feeling. After pacing the living room floor deliberating on the situation Jackson decided to go to Robblesfield to Chris' house. Aaron had gone their last time he'd 'seen' Chris, maybe he'd felt the need to go there now.

Jackson's heart sank on reaching Chris' house. There was no sign of Aaron, so where did he look now? Should he wait in the hope he turned up or go home? Aaron could well be home by now, god he hoped so!

/

Aaron had been following the Boxster for the past half hour, he'd kept a discrete distance although he knew there was a chance Chris had spotted him. In that time he'd been pondering on his next move, having decided on it he was now waiting for the winding country road to open up a little, another mile or so and it would. Ustdale wasn't far away now, it was a small town, relatively quiet, the roads there not too busy. Knowing that he would force the Boxster to pull over and confront Chris. It wouldn't be easy coming face to face with him again. Just the thought of it made his blood run cold but he would have to get a grip and man up. He wanted answers and Davies was the only one who could provide them.

'At last' Aaron thought as the hedgerow either side of him gave way to a wider road and small housing estates. Speed restrictions were in place but Aaron was about to ignore it when he spotted the indicator flashing on the Boxster. He watched the car turn into a side street, slowing down a little he followed suit.

'Damn' It wouldn't be so easy to put his plan into action here, still he was going to do it anyway... or maybe not! The Boxster had just turned off the road into a private driveway. Aaron brought his car to a halt, parking it where he had a clear view of the Boxster. He was having to rethink now, what did he ... the car door was opening, any minute now Chris would get out and...

It wasn't Chris! It was a woman! Aaron was totally thrown by her appearance.

Scrambling out of the car Aaron ran over to the gateway, "Excuse me..." He tried to sound calm, he didn't want to scare the woman."

The petite blonde flashed Aaron a friendly smile, "Are you lost? The houses are numbered oddly here, people always have trouble..."

"No, no I saw the car and..."

"It's a head turner isn't it."

"Yeah, I didn't realise it had been sold."

"Were you wanting to buy it? The owner said there was someone else interested, I thought he was just saying that so I'd buy it there and then, but he must have meant you. Sorry about that!"

"It's ok." Aaron forced a smile before jokingly adding "I'll get over it." Turning around Aaron walked back to his car. The Boxster had been Chris' pride and joy, he would never have sold it, never. It didn't make sense!

TBC


End file.
